Raining Straw Hat (Of Parades)

Raining Straw Hat (Of Parades)

Luffy: (falling from the sky) WHAT THE HEEEEEEELLL?!? (crash lands on Franky)

Franky: AGH!!! (falls back)

(How did we get here, you may ask? Let's zoom back to a few minutes ago.)

Luffy: FRANKY!! What's that? (Points to the cannon looking thing)

Franky: It's an air cannon.

Luffy: Wow. Just an air cannon? I thought you'd have some wacky name for the damn thing.

Franky: But, I do.

Luffy: Then, what is it?

Franky: (Enters hammy mode) Sorry for being modest about it before. Since you have interest in it, I must present to you, THE FRANKY AIR BLASTER!!!

Luffy: (eyes gleam) KICKASS~!!!!

Franky: Yep! What was I thinking, not beholding it properly beforehand? Though I'm still beta testing this thing. Say... Mind lending a helping hand?

Luffy: Sure!(climbs in said cannon) Okay, so how does this work?

Franky: (lights a fuse) Like this!

(BOOM!!!)

Luffy: WOOOOOOOO!!!!

Zoro: What is that idiot doing?

Franky: I shot him out of a cannon.

Luffy: IT'S SO AWESOME!

Zoro: And he agreed to it

Franky: Yup.

Zoro: (sighs) Well he's gotta come down sooner or later.

(A little later)

Zoro: Man, he's still going, ain't he?

Franky: Yeah...he should've fallen back down, by now.

(Star effect)

Zoro: Ah, there he is!

Luffy (as he's falling): ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Zoro: (alarmed) He's falling really close to us. I think we should-

Luffy: WHAT THE HEEEEEELLL?!? (crash lands on Franky)

(Now back to the present)

Zoro: Luffy, you ass! What the hell are you thinking?!?

Luffy: Hey, don't yell at me! I can't control where I land!!!

Franky: Oh, sure. Just leave me in the rubble, why don't you?

Luffy: (he helps Franky up) Sorry about that, Franky.

Franky: (grabs Luffy's arm and gets up) Nah, man, you're fine.

Zoro: Well that's nice to hear. (Smells something burning) Is something burning?

Luffy: (he sniffs around) You're right.

Sanji: (popping out of nowhere) AH, MY SPINACH PUFFS!! (Dashes over to check on them.)

Zoro: You know it's easy to forget that he's a cook at times.

Luffy and Franky: Yup.

Sanji: (kicking down the door, with unburnt spinach puffs) Ahaa, I've saved them!

Luffy: (applauding) Way to go, Sanji!

Zoro: Good job, Eyebrows!

Franky: SUPER job, Curly!

Sanji: (to Luffy) Thanks. (to Zoro) You would, Mosshead. (to Franky) Thanks, I try.

(Cannon fire)

Luffy: Well, f*ck.

Zoro: (sighs) Bound to happen, sooner or later.

Franky: You know, (punches the cannon ball) why do the Marines gotta hate on us? We're only the best pirate crew ever concieved.

Robin: (walking in) If I may be blunt, Marines are quite possibly the most stubborn people ever concieved.

Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, and Franky: Amen.

Luffy: Well, since the Marines are being so persistent, why don't we have them back off the old fashioned way?

Zoro, Robin, Sanji, Usopp, and Franky: Aye, captain!

Zoro: (notices Usopp) Wait a minute, what are you doing up so early, Usopp? Did the cannon firing wake you up too?

Usopp: No, I was just passing by.

Franky: Damn. When you guys say you can sleep through anything, you literally mean anything!

Luffy: We're the Straw Hats. If we can't make Warlords our bitches, then we aren't worthy of being the Straw Hats. We can sleep through just about anything.

Robin: True.

Sanji: Can't argue with that.

(Marine ships start appearing in the horizon.)

Zoro: Looks like the party's about to start.

Franky: I'M BRINGING THE PUNCH!!

Luffy: LET'S RUMBLE!!!

(More Marine ships appear)

Usopp: I don't think this is so much a party as it is a ballroom blitz.

Brook: I LOVE THAT SONG, YOHO!!

Luffy: Who doesn't!?

Zoro: Alright. Who's the man in charge of this this "blitz" to be?

(A Marine Lieutenant appears)

Marine Lieutenant: Good morning, Straw Hat crew! Nice weather, eh?

Luffy: (thrown off guard) Uh... Sure... I guess...

Usopp: He's very formal...

Marine Lieutenant: Oh, what? This? (Notions to the massive armada) Yeah, we got us a massive fiesta waiting to be thrown, amigos!

Zoro: Certainly cocky, that's for sure.

Robin: Quite.

(Vice Admiral steps out)

Vice Admiral: Now hold on a minute. We aren't about to jump the gun, now are we?

Sanji: Who the hell are you?

Vice Admiral Dirk: Dirk, obviously.

Robin: Dirk, hm? How quaint.

Vice Admiral Dirk: Hmph. No matter.

Zoro: Listen, man, we just woke up, and so we just want to enjoy our lovely day here, alright?

Vice Admiral Dirk: Come on, man! I just got all these homies of mine who wanna party like crazy!

Robin: By "party like crazy", I assume you mean "complete anihilation".

Vice Admiral Dirk: Correct.

Luffy: Wow. Way to be blunt. You guys are assholes, you know.

Vice Admiral Dirk: (indifferent) Eh. Sue us.

Luffy: So are we gonna do this, or-

Vice Admiral Dirk: FIRE!!!

(BOOM!!!)

Usopp: Behold, the Black Kabuto! Special Attack: CANNON BALL STAR!! (Releases cannonball)

(The cannonball hits a Marine battleship.)

Luffy: I got this one! (Punches the cannonball)*KABOOM!!!* (unfazed) Nothing.

Vice Admiral Dirk: Oh, a big shot, are ya? Alright, compadrès! RELEASE CANNON BARRAGE!!!

(All the Marine ships fire at once at the Thousand Sunny)

Luffy: Get ready, everyone!

Straw Hats: Right!

Usopp: Wait, where's Nami and Chopper?

Zoro: I think they're still sleeping.

Sanji: (romance mode) I shall continue to let my sleeping beauty Nami lie!

Franky: I'M FEELIN' SUPER!!!

Robin: Could we focus?

Franky: Right, sorry.

Luffy: Sanji?

Sanji: Armé de Lair... (Luffy hops on leg) SHOOT!!!

Luffy: GUM GUM FIREWORKS!!! (Goes into a spaz-punch fury, destroying all of those rounds of cannon balls)

Franky: Franky...ROCKET LAUNCHER~!!! (shoots rockets at many battleships, destroying them)

Robin: Now...  Mil Fleur: Gigatesto Mano: STOMP!! (a giant leg crushes some of the ships.)

Zoro: One Sword Style...360 Caliber Phoenix! (he slices five ships in half)

Luffy: Okay, guys, let's give the actual Marines themselves a chance to fight, alright?

Straw Hats: Got it.

Vice Admiral Dirk: THIS PARTY'S GETTING CRAZY!!

Luffy: LET'S ROCK!!

(The Straw hats continue fighting the Marines)

Vice Admiral Dirk: (jumps into the battle) Alright! Since you guys think you're all big shots, COME AT ME!! (Jumps all the way to the Thousand Sunny without falling in the sea once)

Usopp: WHOA!!!

Vice Admiral Dirk: (unsheathes two cutlasses) Now, who wants to dance?

Zoro: (really excitedly) Oh! Is this really happening? 'Cause I really hope it is!

Vice Admiral Dirk: Oh, trust me: You don't want any of what I got.

Zoro: Bring it on.

Vice Admiral Dirk: I'm sorry, what was that again?

Zoro: I said, bring it o- (guards from a strike) WOAH! I was talking right there!

Vice Admiral Dirk: This is a fight, not a get-together.

Robin: He makes a valid point.

Vice Admiral Dirk: Thank you, Nico Robin.

Robin: "You're welcome."

Zoro: Why am I fighting a cutlass user?

Vice Admiral Dirk: Because, bitch... (cutlasses turn black) I cut people.

Zoro: Shit! (uses haki on his swords)

Vice Admiral Dirk: So yes. Come at me, bro!

(They charge at each other, and when the strike at each other, an energy explosion is had)

Vice Admiral Dirk: (reeling) Alright, that was unexpected. (smiles sadistically) I like it!

Robin: Captain, swordsman, I believe I've heard of this man before.

Luffy: Where do you know him from?

Robin: He's known as the Dirge of Swordplay, a swordsman who's feared as the most powerful fighter of the South Blue. He specializes in using lower quality weapons in a way as to defeat his opponents with ease.

Zoro: Anything else?

Robin: He's incorporated the concept of throwing knives and using guns in close combat. In short, he's what others would call a beast.

Zoro: Then I definently can't lose to someone with such little honor for his weapons. (to Dirk) So, Vice Admiral! What should I call you, then?

Vice Admiral Dirk: Just call me "Dirge".

Luffy: Zoro, look out! He's strong!

Zoro: I'll say! How the hell did you get in the Marines to begin with?

Vice Admiral Dirk: Why else? Because they acknowledged my strength!

Franky: Not that I care about the Marines, but shouldn't you have pledged to a Justice in mind?

Vice Admiral Dirk: What's the use in Justice when every Marine is going to have a different one in mind? Ever since those two years have passed, the World Government's been desperate for strength to fill it's numbers. I was there when they needed me.

Sanji: So, that's it.

Luffy: (snapped due to the hypocracy) Zoro?

Zoro: Yeah?

Luffy: Beat him within an inch of his life... (Suddenly Shouting) AND HANG HIM WITH HIS ENTRAILS

Zoro: (creeped out) ...Got it.

Vice Ad- I mean, Dirge: Well what's the difference? Why should you pirates be so concerned with how I, a Marine, run things?

Zoro: Oni...

Dirge: I mean, by God, you pirates get so defensive sometimes about how-

Zoro: GIRI!!!

(Most of the marines are horrified by the graphic scene before them.)

Luffy: USOPP, STOP DANCING LIKE A JACKASS!! IT'S SCARRING PEOPLE FOR LIFE!!

Brook: THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!

Franky: FOR PITY'S SAKE, JUST END IT!!!

Zoro: Oh, Dirge?

Dirge: WHAT?!?

Zoro: You've been unconcious for 20 seconds.

(A drop of blood leaks out of Dirge.)

Dirge: Good game... (He falls)

Luffy: (he faces the Marines with a fierce glare) Now, all of you get out of here!

All (save one) Marine Mooks: ALRIGHT, WE'LL LEAVE!!

Defiant Mook: (flipping the bird) Screw you too!

Luffy: (shoots a Haki-imbued Gum Gum pistol at the mook)

Defiant Mook: (barely concious, but still standing) Is... that... All you... got..?

Every Other Mook: You dumbass!

Sanji: He's toast.

Random Nondefiant Mook: Okay, people, let's not be like that jackass, agreed?

Every Other Nondefiant Mook: Agreed.

(The Marines leave, soon after)

Defiant Mook: (in Marine dinghy) Those Captains and Vice Admirals are all bitches!

Luffy: (unleashes conquerors Haki) What do you say to THAT?!

Defiant Mook: (relenting) Ooo... Good point... (passes out)

Luffy: Hmph! Chumps.

Zoro: Well, the Marines should now stay away from us for several days. Until then, why don't we just sit back and relax?

Usopp: I second that.

Robin: (laying down on chair, with wine) I third that notion.

Franky: (is drinking cola) Ahh.

Luffy: Well. That was anticlimactic.

Zoro: (drinking beer) Don't think too hard about it.

Luffy: (he shrugs) All right.

(And so, the Straw Hats sail onwards, awaiting the next challenge that comes their way.)

The End.